Justifying The Unjustifiable

*My blog pieces are grammatically correct and I do not need to resort to any spell check. Consequently, purely in terms of English, this collectively places my blog easily amongst the top ten of blogs for proper use of the English language. Aren't you glad that you have paid a visit to here, you lucky, lucky people?!

**This beautiful blogsite is primarily a vehicle for uploading extracts from my many informative, insightful, insurrectionary, quality reference books. I wish for this site to raise my profile amongst the chattering classes, so that maybe one day I too can be invited onto radio discussion shows to offload my twopence worth. At present, British radio and television shows are over-populated with the same old talking heads. Is Matthew Parris really the voice of England? Does Stephen Fry hold the monopoly on wisdom?

***Also, unlike many attention-seeking uber-egos out there who expect everyone to follow them, if you follow me [RonGattway] on Twitter, I will return the favour. That is a promise.

****Finally, I am extremely grateful for all of the visitors to my site, but don't just browse at my book extracts, please purchase the publications that are showcased. They would make ideal presents for your family, friends, and even worst enemies. I can even arrange a discount if you contact me.

My undying love to you all,

Yours insincerely

'Gary Watton' xo

*This list has been borrowed [or lovingly stolen] from: http://diack.co.uk/fitaloon/category/politics/

Roll of Shame – Syria Vote – Absentees

Roll of shame of those MP’s who couldn’t be bothered to vote on Syria. Hopefully they have full excuses for their constituents.

Adam Afriyie	Windsor	Con	absent
Ian Austin	Dudley North	Lab	absent
Henry Bellingham	North West Norfolk	Con	absent

Roberta Blackman-Woods	City of Durham	Lab	absent
Hazel Blears	Salford and Eccles	Lab	absent
Paul Blomfield	Sheffield Central	Lab	absent
Ben Bradshaw	Exeter	Lab	absent
Graham Brady	Altrincham and Sale West	Con	absent
Annette Brooke	Mid Dorset and North Poole	LDem	absent
Gordon Brown	Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath	Lab	absent
Richard Burden	Birmingham, Northfield	Lab	absent
Lorely Burt	Solihull	LDem	absent
William Cash	Stone	Con	absent
Sarah Champion	Rotherham	Lab	absent
Christopher Chope	Christchurch	Con	absent
Kenneth Clarke	Rushcliffe	Con	absent
Ann Clwyd	Cynon Valley	Lab	absent
Michael Connarty	Linlithgow and East Falkirk	Lab	absent
Rosie Cooper	West Lancashire	Lab	absent
Geoffrey Cox	Torridge and West Devon	Con	absent
David Crausby	Bolton North East	Lab	absent
John Cryer	Leyton and Wanstead	Lab	absent
Ian Davidson	Glasgow South West	Lab	absent
Pat Doherty	West Tyrone	SF	absent
Nadine Dorries	Mid Bedfordshire	Con	absent
Alan Duncan	Rutland and Melton	Con	absent
Nigel Evans	Ribble Valley	Con	absent
Tim Farron	Westmorland and Lonsdale	LDem	absent
Yvonne Fovargue	Makerfield	Lab	absent
David Gauke	South West Hertfordshire	Con	absent
Michelle Gildernew	Fermanagh and South Tyrone	SF	absent
Justine Greening	Putney	Con	absent
Lilian Greenwood	Nottingham South	Lab	absent
Peter Hain	Neath	Lab	absent
David Hanson	Delyn	Lab	absent
Nick Harvey	North Devon	LDem	absent
Alan Haselhurst	Saffron Walden	Con	absent
David Heyes	Ashton-under-Lyne	Lab	absent
Sharon Hodgson	Washington and Sunderland West	Lab	absent
Lindsay Hoyle	Chorley	Lab	absent
Mark Hunter	Cheadle	LDem	absent
Diana Johnson	Kingston upon Hull North	Lab	absent
Barbara Keeley	Worsley and Eccles South	Lab	absent
Chris Kelly	Dudley South	Con	absent
Charles Kennedy	Ross, Skye and Lochaber	LDem	absent
Pauline Latham	Mid Derbyshire	Con	absent
Edward Leigh	Gainsborough	Con	absent
Charlotte Leslie	Bristol North West	Con	absent
Ian Liddell-Grainger	Bridgwater and West Somerset	Con	absent
Jack Lopresti	Filton and Bradley Stoke	Con	absent
Andrew Love	Edmonton	Lab	absent
Anne Main	St Albans	Con	absent
Paul Maskey	Belfast West	SF	absent
William McCrea	South Antrim	DUP	absent
Siobhain McDonagh	Mitcham and Morden	Lab	absent
Patrick Mercer	Newark	Con	absent
Austin Mitchell	Great Grimsby	Lab	absent
Francie Molloy	Mid Ulster	SF	absent
Greg Mulholland	Leeds North West	LDem	absent
Meg Munn	Sheffield, Heeley	Lab	absent
Tessa Munt	Wells	LDem	absent
Conor Murphy	Newry and Armagh	SF	absent
Jesse Norman	Hereford and South Herefordshire	Con	absent
James Paice	South East Cambridgeshire	Con	absent
Ian Paisley Jnr	North Antrim	DUP	absent
Priti Patel	Witham	Con	absent
Dawn Primarolo	Bristol South	Lab	absent
John Pugh	Southport	LDem	absent
Yasmin Qureshi	Bolton South East	Lab	absent
John Redwood	Wokingham	Con	absent
Emma Reynolds	Wolverhampton North East	Lab	absent
Andrew Rosindell	Romford	Con	absent
David Ruffley	Bury St Edmunds	Con	absent
Adrian Sanders	Torbay	LDem	absent
Mark Simmonds	Boston and Skegness	Con	absent
David Simpson	Upper Bann	DUP	absent
Angela Smith	Penistone and Stocksbridge	Lab	absent
John Spellar	Warley	Lab	absent
Rory Stewart	Penrith and The Border	Con	absent
John Thurso	Caithness, Sutherland and Easter Ross	LDem	absent
David Tredinnick	Bosworth	Con	absent
Karl Turner	Kingston upon Hull East	Lab	absent
Andrew Tyrie	Chichester	Con	absent
Steve Webb	Thornbury and Yate	LDem	absent
Bill Wiggin	North Herefordshire	Con	absent
Mark Williams	Ceredigion	LDem	absent
Jennifer Willott	Cardiff Central	LDem	absent
John Woodcock	Barrow and Furness	Lab	absent
Shaun Woodward	St Helens South and Whiston	Lab	absent
Tim Yeo	South Suffolk	Con	absent

Congratulations Gary Watton!

Gary Watton of Coleraine has made history by becoming the first winner of the annual Men's Points Table at the Portrush Parkrun of 2012-2013. This represents a victory for the underdog! Bravo, sir.

I thought that I would mention it here as a form of un-British gloating, because well if you scan through countless Facepuke updates from le menu peuple, all manner of nobodies are updating the most mundane, ridiculous trivia imaginable and their little cronies come on board and give their absurd updates a big thumbs up. For example, ‘I have managed to get through four bags of ironing, with only another four still to do’, which is then followed by about four hundred people hitting the like button. Flip me. Compared to such bullshit, I must be an outstanding success story.

I guess that ultimately it is about playing the game, in other words, selling your soul and accumulating a lot of horrible people as ‘friends’, and then posting Farcebook updates which your army of little minions then come alongside and pay tribute to. Oh I guess that mediocrity attracts mediocrity!

What appals me however are the self-important types who post a message on Facespook but don’t have the generosity of spirit to pay a moment’s heed to anybody else’s updates. It’s a case of ‘hey everyone. Look at me. I’ve got something really important and interesting to say. Come and assemble in your hundreds and read my half-baked nonsense about nothing in particular, but don’t expect me to go and give any time to your updates. I am far too much of an attention-seeker to look at and bother with anyone else’s updates’.

Now this is what disturbs me most about such little people: If you are married, and/or have children, and/or have work colleagues, and/or have loving relatives, then why the fuck do you still crave attention? I guess that folk who seem to be happily married and/or people with hundreds of [virtual] Facepuke friends are horrendously insecure!

A book publisher

GW PUBLICATIONS
If you are able and willing to furnish me with your book project, I am able and willing to publish it for thee. The finished item will be produced to a high specification which will compare favourably with any other product on any given book shelf. That I can promise thee. What I cannot promise is that you will become a best-selling author. However, do feel free to be seduced by other rogue publishers who may mislead you in terms of the eventual outcome. In the mean time, I have set out my stall avec the following questions and answers. Oh do feel free to scrutinise:

Q: Why would I wish to be published by your company when there are bigger, more famous firms out there?
A: Indeed, but you may discover that the large, mainstream publishers tend to back established writers and celebs. They don’t tend to entertain new writers, however talented they may be. We open a door for new writers.

Q: Does my book feature on billboards, magazine, radio, and television commercials?
A: Phew, in an ideal world it would, but regrettably only the huge publishing houses with the books by their non-writer megastars tend to afford such advertising campaigns. Thus, you will be advised to advertise via social networking sites.

Q: Will my book actually end up in the shops?
A: Yes, unlike lots of other publishers who merely promise the pathetic line about “your book will be available on Amazon”, when actually all books are “available on Amazon”. Instead, we do have books in a host of Waterstones and smaller retailers.

Q: How long would it take for my book to be published?
A: Once your work has been emailed to us, it can take as little as five weeks, and we guarantee no longer than five months. Our service includes proof-reading and also registering your book so that it is available for retail and for the libraries.

Q: Do you charge for your publishing service, and if so, how much?
A: Yes, we charge either £400, you receive 10% royalties and 10 complimentary copies or you pay £500, receive 20% royalties and 20 complimentary copies. By selling your 10 or 20 copies, you already will be recovering your relatively small outlay.

Q: Why do you charge these amounts?
A: For our small fee, £75 plus VAT goes towards the cover artwork. The printers also charge us about £100 for set-up costs. Your ten (or twenty) copies will cost us about £50 (or £100) including delivery charge. Your ISBN is worth about £10 too.

Q: Are you a vanity publisher that pockets a large fee and then cares little for subsequent sales?
A: On the contrary, as we are left with a minimal amount after the aforementioned costs (usually around £150), it is clearly in our interests to ensure lots of sales to increase our revenue and to boost your chances of royalties.

Q: Can you give me one good reason why I should invest with you?
A: You will be the owner of a quality paperback with an eye-catching, laminated cover. Your chances of being taken seriously next time by a larger publisher will increase if you have something in the public domain.

Q: What is the likely scenario after I have invested with your firm?
A: We contact almost 300 Waterstones stores plus several hundred independent retailers plus about thousands of British and Irish libraries. Your book will sell. Sales figures will clearly be conditioned by the subject of your book and its quality.

Q: Can you tell me a little bit more about your service?
A: We are called GW Publications. We have taken over another company called Parkbench Publications. You can email us at gw930@fsmail.net ***Other publishers advertise great offers but are shy at disclosing the small print. We at least publish our fees.***

My Obituary

Family and several friends were shocked, though not entirely surprised, to learn of the sudden death of Gary Watton after a lengthy illness. This supremely talented author, genius, and misfit had fought a courageous battle against alienation and loneliness.
A handful of people jumped at the opportunity to take a day off work and pay their insincere, clichéd respects at the funeral service which passed off without incident apart from when the deceased opened the coffin lid and grumpily exhorted the vicar to keep the noise down, before returning to sleep. At the graveside, a volley of shots was fired over the coffin by the Boys Brigade from their water pistols for their ex-volunteer. Also at the graveside, one relative was heard to remark: “I will miss his sarcasm”, while another mourner added: “I do not know how I will be able to cope without his cynicism.” Watton’s local pub landlord was visibly upset (at the thought that his takings would never be the same again) while a representative from the dead man’s mortgage lenders also expressed his regret at the unexpected death after a prolonged illness. It was however of some consolation to the assembled few that the deceased passed away noisily in his sleep.
The vicar (and presumably a part-time actor) spoke movingly of how the former author had been the very essence of warmth, pleasantness, and sheer joy, adding that no party had ever been complete without Mr Watton letting off steam about something or other. The local police Chief Inspector also paid tribute to how Gary had frequently helped the police with their enquiries. The mourners were assured that the deceased would be joining Adolf Hitler, Michael Jackson, Joe Stalin, Jade Goody, and Frank Lampard’s mum in heaven.
At the conclusion of the burial, some relatives retired to a nearby hostelry where they drank several toasts to the deceased and recalled with considerable mirth, Gary Watton’s many embarrassing exploits, a session which predictably lasted into the wee small hours, before bracing themselves for the reading of the will to ascertain who would be the unfortunate recipient of his clothes and record collection.
Perhaps the most fitting epitaph for Gary Watton was conceived by himself: a hugely under-rated actor, comedian, dancer, politician, singer, and writer, there was nothing wrong with him that a little love and understanding wouldn’t have cured.
In lieu of flowers, please give a donation to the International Ranters’ Society or to S.P.I.T.E (the Society for the Preservation of Incredibly Talented Enigmas).

Gary Watton: young, gifted, and white

Pages

Justifying The Unjustifiable

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Commons Deserters From Syrian Vote

Roll of Shame – Syria Vote – Absentees

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