No this isn’t a homage to a Roxy Music album from the 1970s, but instead this page is my own vision for the Disunited Queendom. Tony Bennett once sang ‘If I Ruled The World’. Well here is my programme for government if I ruled Little Britain. [The following prescriptions for ailing Britain, our sick society, are in no order of importance.]
All families and individuals wishing to migrate to Britain should be interviewed beforehand. They should also be required to swear an oath of allegiance to Britain. [There have been too many people moving to Britain who hate the UK, its people and its army, and what it stands for. It is logic-defying to admit people to the UK who hate the British and its foreign policy!]
A detention centre ought to be constructed somewhere like South Georgia or the Falkland Islands to house terror suspects and those fighting costly delaying action against deportation. Such a holding centre on British territory would send out a strident message to those who wish to chance their arm and relocate to the soft touch of the UK.
Too many defendants, egged on by over-zealous and mischievous solicitors, are pleading ‘not guilty’ and wasting much time and considerable expense in court trials which are otherwise a foregone conclusion. To offset this ludicrous situation, defendants should be offered a forty per cent ‘discount’ on any subsequent sentence if they plead guilty. Furthermore, the remission or parole offered to convicts ought to be reduced from fifty per cent to forty per cent. It seems a nonsense that someone who perpetrates a violent crime, and say is sentenced to ten years, will be eligible for release after five years.
There needs to be cut backs in the copious amounts that are granted to the Civil List. The Royal Family [or Royal benefits claimants] should donate one palace to the nation, with the proceeds from visits to such a place of interest being donated to the public purse, or a nominated charity.
The ‘ring-fencing’ of the Overseas Development budget must stop. Ailing Britain must stop bailing out other international hard luck stories. India, for example, is more developed than they would have us believe, even allowing for the dire poverty of many of its unfortunate citizens.
There needs to be a new mechanism whereby parliamentary constituencies can recall disgraced MPs. David Cameron has advocated this, especially in the light of the thuggish Commons endeavours of Eric Joyce MP.
There should be a referendum on whether or not Britain wishes to remain in the European Union.
There should be a referendum in the Falkland Islands on the issue of its sovereignty. Even if the islanders agree to preserve the status quo, there should be a conciliatory gesture of permitting a rolling increase of Argentine involvement in the administration of what they refer to as the Malvinas. [This has come to pass in recent days!]
There should be a referendum in Northern Ireland to determine its constitutional position for the next ten years.
The BBC licence fee should be scrapped. The time is long overdue that the BBC should stand on its own two feet and not rely on a mandatory licence fee imposed on its viewers. No other broadcasting network demands such terms and conditions of its customers. The BBC must operate in the marketplace in much the same way as its competitors, relying either on subscriptions, as Sky does, or upon revenue from advertising, as experienced by the likes of ITV. Given the scandals and its flawed history, not to mention the unmerited high salaries of its chief executives and overpaid presenters, the BBC should not command a compulsory licence fee from its hard-pressed viewers.
The next of kin should be fined one thousand pounds if they permit the firing of a volley of shots at the graveside ceremony of their loved one’s funeral.
It should be illegal to fly a paramilitary flag from one’s own house. The occupant should be fined one thousand pounds.
It should be illegal to burn any national flag, as periodically and provocatively practised in Northern Ireland.
The number of MLAs in Northern Ireland needs to be cut from a scandalous six members per constituency to five, even four members per constituency, thus sparing the public purse an obscenely high outlay of funds.
The weekly farce that is Prime Minister’s Question Time should be replaced by the equivalent of a select committee scenario in which the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition face each other in a room whilst seated in a committee setting. The Leader of the Opposition would still have the opportunity to grill and cross-examine the Premier, but one would be spared the spectacle of a set-piece at the dispatch box with the rest of the Commons heckling and howling and acting like an out-of-control debating chamber. The committee would comprise ten per cent of the government on one side and ten per cent of the opposition parties on the other side. The MPs from the small nationalist parties would be invited by the main opposition party to send a representative at various intervals. For example, there might be on a given week, circa 35 MPs on behalf of the government and circa 25 representing the opposition. The Northern Irish, Scottish, and Welsh political parties would be permitted a delegate in accordance with their proportion amongst the opposition ranks. There are after all Question Time debates specifically for the celtic regions, so there is still ample scope for these minority parties to question the government about its administration, albeit limited, of Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. Prime Minister’s Question Time in the main chamber could either be limited to once per month, or else replaced totally.
The number of MPs at Westminster needs surgery too. A more realistic total of five hundred ought to be aimed at. However, no Member of Parliament should have to represent any more than a maximum of one hundred thousand constituents. Where a constituency exceeds a total electorate of one hundred thousand, then boundary changes are needed to keep every constituency to a maximum of one hundred thousand people. No constituency should have an electorate of less than fifty thousand constituents.
Immigration to Britain needs to be drastically curtailed. This is not for race reasons, but purely for economic motives. It isn’t even fair on the ethnic and immigrant communities of the UK to allow more immigration. It is scarcely in their economic interests especially when some of them claim to be economically deprived and marginalised. To allow more migration to Britain is a prime case of shooting oneself in the foot. Until that happy day when there is full employment in the UK and there are no waiting lists for healthcare provision, it should remain illogical to import extra people who will simply increase the burdens of the state. If you have a house with limited room for many other inhabitants, you would not permit more people to occupy your property. By the same token, Britain is a land of limited, finite resources, and it simply beggars belief that liberal, soft touch Britain allows herself to become a haven for all international hard luck stories. Of course such sentiments will not sit well with the idealists who wish for Britain to be a multi-cultural Utopia. Well, the rest of us live in the real world and cannot see the economic practicality of such abstract nonsense. Mind you, for those who are ‘asylum seekers’, if it is an asylum that they seek, then perhaps they have come to the right place! On a more serious note, I do envisage Enoch Powell’s terrifying vision being realised post-2014 when a depressing influx of Bulgarians and Romanians will come to our shores. Will they add value to the UK or add to the nation’s woes? Regrettably I predict outbreaks of strife as a consequence. I do believe that the UK is “busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre” and I do foresee “rivers of blood”. The notion that any immigrants will be asked to leave if they have not found employment within three months of entry is a flight of fancy. The human rights do-gooders will move heaven and earth to keep the large families in Britain. Once they arrive, it will be a case of trying to lock the stable door after the horse has bolted.
There should be an absolute bare minimum tariff of twenty years for all life sentences. To be convicted of murder and then issued with a minimum of seventeen years clearly values the life of the deceased victim at approximately seventeen years, which is preposterous and insulting.
The National Minimum Wage should be increased from barely beyond six pounds per hour to a more respectful eight pounds per hour.
Businesses will be able to cope with the burden of these increased wages by means of a reduction in Corporation Tax.
In order to offset the national debt, Jobseekers Allowance should be cut from £71 per week to fifty-nine pounds per week. By increasing the margin between one week on Jobseekers Allowance and one week on the National Minimum Wage, the whole concept of work will never seem so attractive and there will be a huge stimulus to find employment. As someone who is currently receiving JSA, I am well-placed to comment on the anomaly of working full-time in a low-paid job when benefits are considerably more rewarding. There are enough benefits claimants shelling out their apparent wealth each day at the bookies or at the pub to suggest that there is something sickeningly amiss with Britain’s benefits culture. Unfortunately, for every genuine hard luck story, there appears to be many others who are benefiting a little too well from the benefits bestowed by the misguided liberals of Britain’s nanny state.
Job application forms should be legally restricted to a maximum of ten pages. Anything beyond this total is not user-friendly and is inclined to be padded out with unnecessary and downright intrusive questions.
All employers should be legally compelled to email all applicants for a vacancy and inform them of the outcome. It doesn’t take an eternity to contact people via email in contrast to the costly snail mail. Failing to inform all applicants about the outcome of their application is hugely disrespectful and demoralising.
In much the same way as there is a national criminal database, people should be able to volunteer information about their qualifications and employment record to a national database. Employers can then consult this database in order to ascertain a candidate’s suitability for an advertised vacancy. Such information would enable a candidate to curtail a lengthy application form by stating that such information is in the public domain and is verifiable.
The ‘basic’ salary of Members of Parliament should be reduced from 63k to 60k per annum. This would provide an annual saving of two million pounds for the public purse. Admittedly, this is a mere drop in the ocean, but to quote the Tesco commercial, ‘every little helps’.
There needs to be an end to the golden handshakes culture that afflicts British society. The sacked, soometimes disgraced, sometimes underachieving chief executives and bosses of major organisations or corporations should not be rewarded for their failure. Employment law must be amended to outlaw employment contracts which facilitate huge pay-offs for departing employees. It would be good if the British parliament took a lead in this abominable situation and voted to stop the issuing of a large pension to MPs who lose their seats. Again, this is an example of rewarding failure, and it sets a terrible example.
Young persons under the age of eighteen should be legally prohibited from attending public protests. Anyone who breaches this law should be detained at a holding centre until a parent or guardian arrives and pays a spot fine of ten pounds before the underaged protester is released. If there is a repeat offence, the spot fine increases to £100. If there is a third violation, then a fine of £1,000 is issued.
All future motoring offences, such as speeding should result in a £100 fine for the perpetrator and a £1,000 for a repeat offence. Such measures would replace the outdated points system. For the first offence, the perpetrator would still have the choice between a fine or compulsory attendance at the drive safety course.
Whenever the police are asked to investigate a complaint of excessive noise at someone’s house, arising out of a late night, or early hours party, a spot fine of ten pounds should be issued to the property owner if the police record and/or film the noisy proceedings. Again, a repeat offence should incur a fine of £100, and a third offence should necessitate a £1,000 fine. Unfortunately, nowhere near enough is done to tackle such anti-social behaviour, and again the authorities seem impotent at protecting a person’s right to a quiet, peaceful existence, free from excessive noise in the night or early morning.
Young persons under the age of twenty who the police consider to be drunk and disorderly when attending or emerging from a night club or pub should be detained overnight in a holding centre where they can sober up, whilst in this temporary protective custody. The individual would then be released when a parent, partner, or guardian arrives at the holding centre and pays a spot fine of £10 for a first offence, £100 for a repeat offence, and £1,000 for a third such offence.
The revenue raised from the imposition of fines for the above offences can be allocated as follows:
1) The building and maintenance and staffing of new detention centres for those guilty of anti-social behaviour such as underage protesters and drunk and disorderly teenagers. Such centres would provide a brief, temporary stint of incarceration whilst arrangements were made for a parent, or guardian, or partner to arrive at the holding centre and settle the appropriate spot fine. Failure to pay the spot fine would automatically result in court proceedings being issued, after which an increased fine or custodial sentence would be bestowed upon any guilty party.
2) Funds from the fines would also be distributed to a central fund that would compensate anyone found innocent after having been remanded in custody. Any such individual who is acquitted after having been placed on remand would be compensated to the tune of £100 per week of their incarceration.
A maximum wage needs to be legally enforced to prevent Premiership soccer players grabbing outrageous weekly amounts which far exceed what many people earn over several years.
Football clubs should not be permitted to spend money in the transfer market, unless they have paid off their debts. There is something incongruous about a football club which owes money but which simultaneously is purchasing new players.
All families and individuals wishing to migrate to Britain should be interviewed beforehand. They should also be required to swear an oath of allegiance to Britain. [There have been too many people moving to Britain who hate the UK, its people and its army, and what it stands for. It is logic-defying to admit people to the UK who hate the British and its foreign policy!]
A detention centre ought to be constructed somewhere like South Georgia or the Falkland Islands to house terror suspects and those fighting costly delaying action against deportation. Such a holding centre on British territory would send out a strident message to those who wish to chance their arm and relocate to the soft touch of the UK.
Too many defendants, egged on by over-zealous and mischievous solicitors, are pleading ‘not guilty’ and wasting much time and considerable expense in court trials which are otherwise a foregone conclusion. To offset this ludicrous situation, defendants should be offered a forty per cent ‘discount’ on any subsequent sentence if they plead guilty. Furthermore, the remission or parole offered to convicts ought to be reduced from fifty per cent to forty per cent. It seems a nonsense that someone who perpetrates a violent crime, and say is sentenced to ten years, will be eligible for release after five years.
There needs to be cut backs in the copious amounts that are granted to the Civil List. The Royal Family [or Royal benefits claimants] should donate one palace to the nation, with the proceeds from visits to such a place of interest being donated to the public purse, or a nominated charity.
The ‘ring-fencing’ of the Overseas Development budget must stop. Ailing Britain must stop bailing out other international hard luck stories. India, for example, is more developed than they would have us believe, even allowing for the dire poverty of many of its unfortunate citizens.
There needs to be a new mechanism whereby parliamentary constituencies can recall disgraced MPs. David Cameron has advocated this, especially in the light of the thuggish Commons endeavours of Eric Joyce MP.
There should be a referendum on whether or not Britain wishes to remain in the European Union.
There should be a referendum in the Falkland Islands on the issue of its sovereignty. Even if the islanders agree to preserve the status quo, there should be a conciliatory gesture of permitting a rolling increase of Argentine involvement in the administration of what they refer to as the Malvinas. [This has come to pass in recent days!]
There should be a referendum in Northern Ireland to determine its constitutional position for the next ten years.
The BBC licence fee should be scrapped. The time is long overdue that the BBC should stand on its own two feet and not rely on a mandatory licence fee imposed on its viewers. No other broadcasting network demands such terms and conditions of its customers. The BBC must operate in the marketplace in much the same way as its competitors, relying either on subscriptions, as Sky does, or upon revenue from advertising, as experienced by the likes of ITV. Given the scandals and its flawed history, not to mention the unmerited high salaries of its chief executives and overpaid presenters, the BBC should not command a compulsory licence fee from its hard-pressed viewers.
The next of kin should be fined one thousand pounds if they permit the firing of a volley of shots at the graveside ceremony of their loved one’s funeral.
It should be illegal to fly a paramilitary flag from one’s own house. The occupant should be fined one thousand pounds.
It should be illegal to burn any national flag, as periodically and provocatively practised in Northern Ireland.
The number of MLAs in Northern Ireland needs to be cut from a scandalous six members per constituency to five, even four members per constituency, thus sparing the public purse an obscenely high outlay of funds.
The weekly farce that is Prime Minister’s Question Time should be replaced by the equivalent of a select committee scenario in which the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition face each other in a room whilst seated in a committee setting. The Leader of the Opposition would still have the opportunity to grill and cross-examine the Premier, but one would be spared the spectacle of a set-piece at the dispatch box with the rest of the Commons heckling and howling and acting like an out-of-control debating chamber. The committee would comprise ten per cent of the government on one side and ten per cent of the opposition parties on the other side. The MPs from the small nationalist parties would be invited by the main opposition party to send a representative at various intervals. For example, there might be on a given week, circa 35 MPs on behalf of the government and circa 25 representing the opposition. The Northern Irish, Scottish, and Welsh political parties would be permitted a delegate in accordance with their proportion amongst the opposition ranks. There are after all Question Time debates specifically for the celtic regions, so there is still ample scope for these minority parties to question the government about its administration, albeit limited, of Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. Prime Minister’s Question Time in the main chamber could either be limited to once per month, or else replaced totally.
The number of MPs at Westminster needs surgery too. A more realistic total of five hundred ought to be aimed at. However, no Member of Parliament should have to represent any more than a maximum of one hundred thousand constituents. Where a constituency exceeds a total electorate of one hundred thousand, then boundary changes are needed to keep every constituency to a maximum of one hundred thousand people. No constituency should have an electorate of less than fifty thousand constituents.
Immigration to Britain needs to be drastically curtailed. This is not for race reasons, but purely for economic motives. It isn’t even fair on the ethnic and immigrant communities of the UK to allow more immigration. It is scarcely in their economic interests especially when some of them claim to be economically deprived and marginalised. To allow more migration to Britain is a prime case of shooting oneself in the foot. Until that happy day when there is full employment in the UK and there are no waiting lists for healthcare provision, it should remain illogical to import extra people who will simply increase the burdens of the state. If you have a house with limited room for many other inhabitants, you would not permit more people to occupy your property. By the same token, Britain is a land of limited, finite resources, and it simply beggars belief that liberal, soft touch Britain allows herself to become a haven for all international hard luck stories. Of course such sentiments will not sit well with the idealists who wish for Britain to be a multi-cultural Utopia. Well, the rest of us live in the real world and cannot see the economic practicality of such abstract nonsense. Mind you, for those who are ‘asylum seekers’, if it is an asylum that they seek, then perhaps they have come to the right place! On a more serious note, I do envisage Enoch Powell’s terrifying vision being realised post-2014 when a depressing influx of Bulgarians and Romanians will come to our shores. Will they add value to the UK or add to the nation’s woes? Regrettably I predict outbreaks of strife as a consequence. I do believe that the UK is “busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre” and I do foresee “rivers of blood”. The notion that any immigrants will be asked to leave if they have not found employment within three months of entry is a flight of fancy. The human rights do-gooders will move heaven and earth to keep the large families in Britain. Once they arrive, it will be a case of trying to lock the stable door after the horse has bolted.
There should be an absolute bare minimum tariff of twenty years for all life sentences. To be convicted of murder and then issued with a minimum of seventeen years clearly values the life of the deceased victim at approximately seventeen years, which is preposterous and insulting.
The National Minimum Wage should be increased from barely beyond six pounds per hour to a more respectful eight pounds per hour.
Businesses will be able to cope with the burden of these increased wages by means of a reduction in Corporation Tax.
In order to offset the national debt, Jobseekers Allowance should be cut from £71 per week to fifty-nine pounds per week. By increasing the margin between one week on Jobseekers Allowance and one week on the National Minimum Wage, the whole concept of work will never seem so attractive and there will be a huge stimulus to find employment. As someone who is currently receiving JSA, I am well-placed to comment on the anomaly of working full-time in a low-paid job when benefits are considerably more rewarding. There are enough benefits claimants shelling out their apparent wealth each day at the bookies or at the pub to suggest that there is something sickeningly amiss with Britain’s benefits culture. Unfortunately, for every genuine hard luck story, there appears to be many others who are benefiting a little too well from the benefits bestowed by the misguided liberals of Britain’s nanny state.
Job application forms should be legally restricted to a maximum of ten pages. Anything beyond this total is not user-friendly and is inclined to be padded out with unnecessary and downright intrusive questions.
All employers should be legally compelled to email all applicants for a vacancy and inform them of the outcome. It doesn’t take an eternity to contact people via email in contrast to the costly snail mail. Failing to inform all applicants about the outcome of their application is hugely disrespectful and demoralising.
In much the same way as there is a national criminal database, people should be able to volunteer information about their qualifications and employment record to a national database. Employers can then consult this database in order to ascertain a candidate’s suitability for an advertised vacancy. Such information would enable a candidate to curtail a lengthy application form by stating that such information is in the public domain and is verifiable.
The ‘basic’ salary of Members of Parliament should be reduced from 63k to 60k per annum. This would provide an annual saving of two million pounds for the public purse. Admittedly, this is a mere drop in the ocean, but to quote the Tesco commercial, ‘every little helps’.
There needs to be an end to the golden handshakes culture that afflicts British society. The sacked, soometimes disgraced, sometimes underachieving chief executives and bosses of major organisations or corporations should not be rewarded for their failure. Employment law must be amended to outlaw employment contracts which facilitate huge pay-offs for departing employees. It would be good if the British parliament took a lead in this abominable situation and voted to stop the issuing of a large pension to MPs who lose their seats. Again, this is an example of rewarding failure, and it sets a terrible example.
Young persons under the age of eighteen should be legally prohibited from attending public protests. Anyone who breaches this law should be detained at a holding centre until a parent or guardian arrives and pays a spot fine of ten pounds before the underaged protester is released. If there is a repeat offence, the spot fine increases to £100. If there is a third violation, then a fine of £1,000 is issued.
I propose that there be a legally-enforced curfew at the very least on children (who are still at primary school) after 6pm, which can be extended to 8pm from April through to the end of September. What parents in their right minds would allow nine-year-old or ten-year-old offspring to venture out and about unsupervised in these dangerous days? It’s a recipe for disaster, leading to recruitment into gangs, drinking alcohol and taking or even selling drugs. Any child below twelve years of age unaccompanied by an adult should be lifted by the police or by employed wardens and kept in a holding centre until their parents come to collect them. The parent or guardian would then be required to pay a spot fine of ten pounds for this first infringement. If it is repeated, then the spot fine increases to £100 for a second infringement and £1000 for a third violation. Of course the human rights’ cry babies will be moaning their naïve nonsense about the need to defend civil liberties. What they fail to realise is that if we all were afforded carte blanche to do anything and everything that we please, because it is our ‘human right’, then we would descend into the kind of barbarism and lawlessness that would even make Neanderthal cavemen blush with shame. The whole point of introducing laws and even regulations for banks and businesses is that left to our own devices we act with self-interest and either by accident or design do great harm to the rest of our community and our fellow man. Don’t delay. Bring in a curfew now!
All future motoring offences, such as speeding should result in a £100 fine for the perpetrator and a £1,000 for a repeat offence. Such measures would replace the outdated points system. For the first offence, the perpetrator would still have the choice between a fine or compulsory attendance at the drive safety course.
Whenever the police are asked to investigate a complaint of excessive noise at someone’s house, arising out of a late night, or early hours party, a spot fine of ten pounds should be issued to the property owner if the police record and/or film the noisy proceedings. Again, a repeat offence should incur a fine of £100, and a third offence should necessitate a £1,000 fine. Unfortunately, nowhere near enough is done to tackle such anti-social behaviour, and again the authorities seem impotent at protecting a person’s right to a quiet, peaceful existence, free from excessive noise in the night or early morning.
Young persons under the age of twenty who the police consider to be drunk and disorderly when attending or emerging from a night club or pub should be detained overnight in a holding centre where they can sober up, whilst in this temporary protective custody. The individual would then be released when a parent, partner, or guardian arrives at the holding centre and pays a spot fine of £10 for a first offence, £100 for a repeat offence, and £1,000 for a third such offence.
The revenue raised from the imposition of fines for the above offences can be allocated as follows:
1) The building and maintenance and staffing of new detention centres for those guilty of anti-social behaviour such as underage protesters and drunk and disorderly teenagers. Such centres would provide a brief, temporary stint of incarceration whilst arrangements were made for a parent, or guardian, or partner to arrive at the holding centre and settle the appropriate spot fine. Failure to pay the spot fine would automatically result in court proceedings being issued, after which an increased fine or custodial sentence would be bestowed upon any guilty party.
2) Funds from the fines would also be distributed to a central fund that would compensate anyone found innocent after having been remanded in custody. Any such individual who is acquitted after having been placed on remand would be compensated to the tune of £100 per week of their incarceration.
A maximum wage needs to be legally enforced to prevent Premiership soccer players grabbing outrageous weekly amounts which far exceed what many people earn over several years.
Football clubs should not be permitted to spend money in the transfer market, unless they have paid off their debts. There is something incongruous about a football club which owes money but which simultaneously is purchasing new players.
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