A beautiful extract from the informative music publication, 'You Are A Tube!'; only £9.99; xo

Too Experienced

by the Bodysnatchers (1980)

This was a B-side of a minor hit for this all-female group that signed to the fledgling Two Tone Records label. The lead singer was Rhoda Dakar who a couple of years later had another minor hit when she sang the lead role on 'The Boiler', a harrowing tale about date rape, which had originally been co-written by four of this group. Regrettably, the Bodysnatchers only snatched bodies for a brief time before some of them found future employment as the Belle Stars who had a giant hit with the

outstanding 'Sign Of The Times' in early 1983.

This is a soul version of a Rock Steady classic. [mthai66]

love these gals, a crime they never did a studio lp to release! [TheRealTommyRock]

Awesome blast from the past! :-))) [ReidOriginals]

This tune would be considered Reggae. [TxTFamGuy1]

This is just class in a glass, it really doesn't come much better than this for pure 2-Tone delight. [ganbowling]

This has always been one of my favourite second wave ska songs. [vonratt]

This is 2-tone, not ska. A Reggae cover of Bob Andy... [Cash82Mx]

must say that this has to be one of my fave 2-tone tracks. it seems to be forgotten by the ska ccompilation compilers. Why? [christopherdavidsims]

first record i bought [liamnicg]

i have the disc, 45rpm 7", thats wonderfull! [furiaCZN]

I never thought I would get to hear it again after having it on the 'THIS ARE 2TONE' vinyl album years ago. Think the album has been deleted now... [ZIG139]

author: 'This Are 2-Tone' was the compilation album where I got acquainted with this item and with 'The Boiler'.

for some reason I wish amy was around to cover this [gavkasso]

Centerfold

by J. Geils Band (1981)

This track from their 'Freeze Frame' album was a big hit in the UK and an even bigger sensation in its native land where it occupied the top of the Billboard Hot 100 for six weeks. Funnily enough, it was knocked off the USA summit by another sing-along rock song 'I Love Rock 'n' Roll'.

High School memories at their best! [goatboyful]

i wish they still made songs like this screw 2012 [tzracing29]

So this was the song that was #1 on the billboard charts the week I was born. I remember this song, my dad, a musician would play this song himself an awful lot- I think I know why now. Very cool. [Specailk007]

just love that beginning it's so amazing :) [USMachinimaCorps]

This band was a big influence on early Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. [CurtisMateer]

ahhh the good old days [brendanaruba]

For those of you who dont know this song was actually about the lead singers girlfriend who was a Playboy Bunny, and she was always on the centerfold of the mags, so he worte this song. [BeatleBoy1235]

Not 100% true. This was about a girlfriend in Highschool that he saw in a centerfold of Playboy. He did talk to her after he saw her, but nothing more came of it. But as per a VH1 popup video, he had a lot of relations with just about every girl on the set of this song so I don't think he was too worked up over it. [forcrz6]

I remember when I was little me and my older brother would always jump around the bed while we where hearing this song. Now I have finally found this song again and tears run down my chin because the memories are so fantastic [MperorM]

you need to take those Nostalgia googles off. Anything seems "special" if it's from when you were young. [widdlepuddyfat]

author: Your point is a good one, if a tad cynical.

Dancing On The Floor (Hooked On Love) by Third World (1981)

They did indeed originate from the 'third world' country of Jamaica and this has prompted them to be mistaken for yet another reggae act. The truth is that Third World leaned a lot more towards disco than roots reggae. This hit does live up to its title. It's one for dancing on the floor to.

Just a fantastic track, Man this is so good, what a great reggae groove, all time favourite. At 60yrs old this still takes me back to my youth & it will never fade.. try Now that weve found love... Love it, dancing as I type...Yes Love is at your rescue.. [lawistheking]

beautiful mellow vibe,still fresh [hadidta]

Lovely reggae groove [macclesfield35]

Up there with the greats! [pomeroykeith]

wow I can't stop movin! [NecipPerver]

That's what I call music. [homenation]

Love this song!!! use to dance to this in the night clubs. [MrTahana28]

Damn, I love this song! ... love is at your rescue! [Kmontage]

30 years old and still sounding catchy! [vcrjgf08]

dancing on the floor and now that we found love, my top two favourite records ever.brings back some great memories and some sad ones aswell. you all take care. [funkmegentley]

Its early eighties and I am dancing on the floor--beautiful memories. [349quinman]

the sweetest song of them!!Love it [pare5markes]

great !! [DJKNEK1]

kraker!!! [mssuperaap]

Wordy Rappinghood

by Tom Tom Club (1981)

Half of the Talking Heads, namely Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth, created their own offshoot, called Tom Tom Club. Along with 'Genius Of Love' with its animated video, this is the club's most memorable record.

I wanted to leave a comment, but what are words worth? [cellosareawesome]

It can't be understated how much this influenced hiphop for years to come. [eternal0star]

good words and baaad words [ivancalvario]

80's sound...Classic! [dbernal031]

Brilliant song!! [EdEditz]

This song is so girly! [beautifulmoneek]

It may not seem very special today, but I remember how it blew me off my feet in '81. I had never heard anything like it. [baetterdoe]

So cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [rosilva0909]

I Most Deff Like The Rhythm To This Songg :D <3 [ShessDaddiee]

I remember when I first heard this song I was like, WOW! Very creative. Tom Tom Club were a distinct act. That's what made them appealing. [MrKevin619ism]

I suppose that the quality of a song is assured when one first discovers this song 30 years after its intial release and likes it. [McLarenMercedes]

Ok, this song reminds me of how many drugs were actually done in the 80's. But I LOVE IT! [brokenheartmender]

Way ahead of their time [Burtchaell]

This was a major 1981 hit [hhamaildk]

Human Nature by Michael Jackson (1982)

For me, this is an overlooked classic pop song from MJ's 'Thriller' LP. Unfortunately, the YouTube site again was plagued with folk expressing their condolences to this giant of a human being who brought such joy to the whole world. Actually, many of his songs were great, but he was no

saint or superman. He had a flawed human nature, just like everyone else.

It ain't hard to tell that this is a good song [nicholasny23]

My all time favorite MJ song of all time !!!!!! [666brandohill1]

Best song!!!! [Luigi1free]

@666brandohill1 i agree this is my favorite of his as well [MethodofModernLove]

Human Nature is the Best!!;) [greeeen2828]

he didn't die he just wen't home [MarioMario6298]

my favorite MJ song ever. [gogetta025]

Too bad his Human Nature was to be the scum of the earth. Even in death he was capable of ruining a man's life. [TheDavid3663]

Wow this song is just so... wow... Yeah I have no words! [Burdjur]

Why Why did he have to die [grivett40]

cool [423coolkid]

It would have been super badass if Queen & Michael Jackson had made a song together. [orionthion]

He looked good darker just sayin [josornio300]

he died too late for a peado but ffs i loved this song. [itswoody4u68]

Quality [afroguy226]

More Than This

by Roxy Music (1982)

Ten years after the successful issue of their début single, 'Virginia Plain', Roxy Music scored with a hit single from the 'Avalon' LP that oozes quality. The music is first class and Bryan Ferry's vocal delivery is as smooth as a baby's bottom. If you're ever in search of a classy pop song, don't go to Google, just check this item out.

Damn this sounds good. Hey kids: That's called singing. No auto-tune needed. [yakfitguy]

Smooth and sexy. I still melt at the sound of this song. [Ozzymum3]

beautiful song!! [agusravegdl]

magnifique !!! [mrsprs1375]

I can never get enough of Roxy Music!!! [wendykizer]

One of the best bands ever. [lesassassins]

totally unrecognized and under-rated ode to agnosticism [citylimitsdvd]

Classic.. in every way u look at it. [23jordanian]

Now this is a little thing I like to call MUSIC! [MonkeyZorr]

Something so bittersweet about this song... [MusicLessons]

this song drums up so many feelings for me its remarkable, I am an emotional mess now with the last strains of this glorious melody still echoing through my tiny apartment [TheDarkstar333]

The fact people can't believe it isn't autotune just shows how disconnected people these days are from the fact that there really were some people that could sing that well! Also, this sounds nothing like autotune...80's reverb isn't autotune! [MrG0p0p]

What an awesome group they were. [Niblipix]

author: Hey thanks, dude.

Steppin' Out by Joe Jackson (1982)

Here is another gorgeous transatlantic hit single that ought to silence detractors of 'eighties pop. Joe Jackson has issued a composition that sits comfortably with any product in any other decade.

What a great song ! [kdwestbrooks]

I love this. [GoukiTehPwner]

Love this song! The piano in this is awesome!....J [RedJragon1]

great song of the 80's !! [Hellfire5500]

dude this song is one of those NO ONE should never get tired of[thetealeo]

a very nice orginal tune that reminds me of a long time ago [elvispresley718]

I loved this song since I first heard it as a little kid. Glad my parents are Joe Jackson fans. [bobojack83]

A great classic from my high school days, and always great to hear. [Multi80schick]

I cannot hear this song enough right now. We need more of this class in our charts today. [kkly27]

I too love the bass on this song. by way is that a synth doing the piano part? [oldermusiclover]

i had this tune stuck in my head for weeks..it got so bad that i went online and went through every eighties song trying to figure out who sang it and the actual name....with the help of my awesome sister here i am...this song is way BOSS [COCOALUV4LIFE]

This song makes me wanna do my happy dance, even if before I had a sad face. [SignoraArcobaleno]

This is my favorite 80's song XD [Megan1156]

Theme From Harry's Game

by Clannad (1982)

It is hard to conceive that Derek Thompson who plays the likeable male nurse Charlie in BBC's 'Casualty' once played the IRA terrorist in 'Harry's Game'. The music to this drama series was composed and performed by the talented Brennan family from Donegal, otherwise known as Clannad.

ive always loved this beautiful song, sung to perfection, it will be my last song ever! clannad are amazing in this performance, still, amazing, eletric, and thinkable, xx love it x [freshborn66]

love this [rakennaugh]

Remember watching the series all those years ago...........The Perfect song to complement it! [penfloyd]

Very nice song ... In Irish ;) [Ellen97om]

Clannad are Irish certainly. But I heard them being interviewed on the radio, and they said that this tune was Scottish. Not that it matters much, as the Scots and the Irish pinch each others' tunes all the time. Scotland the Brave, for example, is Irish. [tigranvartanovitch]

IMO, their most iconic and incredible song. [tedly1911]

Always reminds me of Belfast in the bad times. [fabulousgerro66]

haunting and beautiful, I have always loved this song x [willshewontshe69]

Beautiful. [GingerHebblethwaite0]

i find peace in this , i find myself in this , i find all things that i want in this , i find the vocal visual and the visual vocal ,,,,its eternal...please love this.. [sommy38]

this is a magical yet haunting piece of music that will be my entrance into the cave where I am getting married :o) [kizza170]

sit bake an chill [garymcilwaine1]

 

Time (Clock Of The Heart)

by Culture Club (1982)

This was a successful follow-up to the foursome's UK chart-topper 'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me'. It is a sensitive tune with great strings and a saxophone solo thrown in for good measure. It's a reminder of the value of 'eighties pop from one of its leading protagonists.

This song was about Boy George's gay love for the drummer. No joke. [Ihatethisugh1]

Timeless [MrJdp1968]

oh man i'm so glad i was a child of the 80's [pearlexport32]

this is sooo beautiful..... and i just heard this song for the first time a couple of days ago...... this is timeless. Lol [kobebaker09]

Great song [carrtex]

author: It deservedly climbed into the UK Top Three.

" dont put your head on my shoulder " combined with that drum and bass line . pure genius [peterpetersbng]

I love this song! [VanitieGrace]

This song is the truth. I liked it as a kid because it had a catchy tune. I did not understand what he was talking about until i was grown. I love this song. Boy George was a very good singer and song writer. Need artist like him around now. [tonyvalentine3]

This song was so OVER-played when it was released, I thought i'd never enjoy hearing it again. (: WRONG :) In time it was so much more. [mortygirly]

One of the most brutally honest songs ive ever heard, yet beautiful [eerhtythgie11]

If you're in love with a man or woman, it doesn't matter, TIME will either make or break your relationship. Time will catch up with all of us! Live life! Love life now! Pretty soon it's over. [Placidfaced]

Borderline

by Madonna (1983)

This was one of the first hit singles which announced the arrival of the latest pop sensation, Madonna. She certainly proved to be no Virgin Mary, but the American songbird soon proceeded to conquer planet pop with a multitude of hit records. I also like 'Live To Tell' which demonstrated her

versatility as it was completely different to this tune. Nevertheless, I regard 'Borderline' as one of the best pop songs in popular music.

you can't beat that intro. totally classic pop brilliance [S2Cents]

It was such a simpler, happier time (well, except for that whole unpleasant Cold War thing) [krystlerita]

Actually, AIDS had just hit the world in 1981 and no one knew what it was or what to do about what looked like an instant death sentence for millions. I don't think times were ever simpler. Be well and happy now! Happy new year. [alexuniverse]

At her best [bruceleekick1]

pop masterpiece [ColdOasisU2]

This is back when Madonna was still really good. Before she became a, a, a---oh yeah, a douche bag. [smokiebird06]

This song -- espeically the intro -- always reminded me of Stephanie Mills' "Never Knew Love Like This Before". Recently found out that both songs were written by Reggie Lucas. :) [IluvEthnicGuys]

BORDERLINE is a precious jewel! Good times! [wuppertalk]

Borderline is the most likeable track of her early career, modern Madonna has given in to the music industry I'm afraid and has lost her soul to the dullards of modern pap. In fact, I only like her stuff up to '86, then she

seems to take a few wrong turns. She's a talent, though, there's no denying it :) [HighgateSamphire]

Whatever you think of her now, she sure could sing her ass off back then. [smokiebird06]

Beautiful extract from the controversial diary, 'The Views From A Pauper's Penthouse'; £9.99

Sunday 23rd October

Thousands assembled in Benghazi to formally declare the liberation of Libya, so a big standing ovation is called for.

Way out in New Zealand, the locals are congratulating their rugby team for a hard-fought nine points to eight World Cup final triumph against a spirited France. I cannot say that I am overjoyed at their success, but one must acknowledge that the World Cup was won by the world's best team.

In India, England slumped to a fourth successive one-day cricket defeat, this time by six wickets. There needs to be an overhaul of the personnel, with the under-achieving Ravi Bopara shown the exit door.

North of Hadrian's Wall, the has-beens that are otherwise known as the 'Old Firm' each carved out victories in the SPL in that two-team division.

However, the stunning sports headlines emerged from the football in England's Premiership. At Old Trafford, the hosts were comprehensively humiliated by six goals to one by their lovely neighbours, Manchester Mercenaries. The latter took full advantage when Jonny Evans was sent off. Now Manchester Wannabees have a comfortable cushion at the top of the pile, assisted by a healthy goal difference.

Oh the jokes are coming thick and fast about ManUre's embarrassment. Simon Mann of the BBC remarked that 1-6 at Old Trafford suggested that Lancashire must be batting woefully. Someone else has quipped that on a scale of 1-6 how shameful was ManUre's capitulation?

West London also played host to a derby where Queen's Park Rangers sneaked past Chelsea by one goal to nil. The latter were handicapped by two sendings-off which obliged them to play the whole of the second half with nine men. Even then, the home team were clinging on, having earlier scored from a penalty. The appalling referee Chris Foy brandished cards all match and certainly didn't cover himself in glory,

Elsewhere in the Premiership, Robin Van Persie again inspired Arse-nil who are fast transforming into a one-man team. In the event they beat Stoke City three-one, while their fellow north London also-rans Tottenham Coldspur won by two goals to one against Blackburn Rovers. Evercrap also won at Fulham, but both mid-table teams are an irrelevance.

There was also an earthquake in eastern Turkey today. The number of fatalities may reach three figures. Such a calamity puts the trivia of sport into perspective. However some footie fans might be feeling tonight does not compare with those who have lost their lives or their loved ones.

Born on this date: Douglas Jardine (1900); Steve Harmison (1978)

Died on this date: W.G. Grace (1915); Bill Nicholson (2004)

Monday 24th October

There was heavy, prolonged rain today. It feels like July therefore.

Beyond Britain, the citizens of Morocco are casting envious eyes at their neighbours Tunisia who are holding national elections. Not to be outdone, some folk in Morocco are now demonstrating for democracy. If they saw how much of a shambles 'democracy' really is in Greece, Ireland, and even Britain and America, perhaps they might wish to have a re-think.

Further afield in Syria, the United States Ambassador is being recalled from Damascus for safety reasons. It seems that his sympathies towards the pro-democracy protesters isn't rendering him the government's flavour of the month. In a silly bout of tit-for-tat, Syria is recalling its ambassador from Washington “for consultation.” Isn't it really swell to see how diplomacy and international relations is being practised by grown-ups?

Back in Westminster village, the House of Commons played host to a debate and vote on whether Britain should be allowed a referendum on her future participation in the runaway train otherwise known as Europe. In the end, the bizarre coalition of some Conservatives and most Labour and Liberal Democrats combined to defeat the motion. However, alarmingly for the Prime Minister, it appears that in the region of eighty members of his parliamentary party chose to defy his wishes. Mr C has insisted that whilst Europe is in mid-crisis, it is not the appropriate time to be holding a public vote. Perhaps the right time will only ever emerge whenever the Conservative Party is free from the shackles of an alliance with the pro-Europe Liberal Democrats. One can therefore imagine Mr Cameron's consternation that his MPs don't seem to be aware of the mathematics of the government. Without Liberal Democrat acquiescence, David Cameron's Conservatives would be a minority government, trying to cobble together a legislative programme that won't incur defeats in the lower chamber. As long as the Liberal Democrats need to be kept on board, then it is nigh impossible for any Euro-scepticism from Mr Cameron and Mr Hague to manifest itself in any obvious way.

I have however much sympathy with the so-called rebels, whom John Major would presumably have affectionately dubbed “bastards”. Such MPs are voting both according to their conscience while firmly believing that they are representing the wishes of their constituents. The fact that about one-third of the electorate even bothers to vote at the European elections tells its own story. The British people are clearly lukewarm about Europe.

Born on this date: Reggie Kray (1933); Ronnie Kray (1933)

Died on this date: Louis Renault (1944); Vidkun Quisling (1945)

Tuesday 25th October

Our beloved Fuhrer, Herr Cameron, insists that there is no bad blood that will linger after the Euro-sceptics voted against his wishes last night. I can't help but feel that they ought to consider their position within the Conservative Party and perhaps transfer their allegiance to UKIP. There again, everyone likes to be on the winning team, so I guess that for all their collective consciences, these great idealists will stay on board the good ship Conservative because this vessel represents their best route to a seat in parliament. So much for ideals and conscience!

The deputy Fuhrer, Herr Clegg has argued that it is more preferable to be leading Europe than to be leaving Europe. He and his colleagues are of the opinion that the best way to reform Europe is to be at the heart of Europe and thus be a leading player in future treaties. It is a tempting argument. If Eurozone wasn't horribly imploding, I would be more persuaded. One sage reminded us of the complexities of solving Europe's financial woes when he recounted that Eurozone contains seventeen states while the European Union is a club of 27 states. Achieving a unity of purpose that surmounts cultural and language barriers and historic rivalries is a task indeed.

Somewhere out in the desert the remains of the late Colonel Gaddafi were secretly laid to rest. May he rot in peace.

In Kolkata, the rejuvenated India cricket team gave England another lesson in how to play a one-day international. Alistair Cook had a knack of winning the toss, but his hapless bunch couldn't win a darts match against a blind man. England's cricketers are a schizophrenic lot: masters of test cricket but clueless at the one-day version.

In the English league cup tonight, Arse-nil and ManUre successfully negotiated their last sixteen assignments, while controversy is brewing over John Terry for allegedly issuing a racist comment at QPR's Anton Ferdinand. It would be wrong to pre-judge the outcome of an FA inquiry, but JT is no saint, but there again the media just love this kind of story. I mean the sports tabloids would much rather focus on sendings-off, spats between managers, and other unsavoury incidents because extensive coverage of these dramas masks their own lack of expertise on sport itself.

I remain unimpressed with Chris Foy's shambolic handling of the west London derby the other day. He seems to think that because Chelsea are such a rich club, then they don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. If that is his prejudiced attitude, he should go and officiate at a pub league match.

Born on this date: Jimmy McIlroy (1931); Harry Gregg (1932)

Died on this date: Vincent Price (1993); Richard Harris (2002)

Wednesday 26th October

The European powers have all convened in Brussels for a conflab on the issue of how to rescue Greece without plunging themselves into trouble. I think that the participants should all get into silly costumes and attempt a re-enactment of the 1970s' European game show Jeux Sans Frontières.

While the Irish presidential election nears its finale, I've received a joke text stating that Martin McGuinness has been leaving his election leaflets under people's cars. The punchline being that old habits die hard. The Sinn Fiend representative isn't expected to win the contest. Remarkably he has had to endure a barrage of questions from Oirish people who are concerned with his 'armed struggle' curriculum vitae. While the northern unionists have had to bite their tongues about Irish republicans in power-sharing, the southern Catholics are proving less comfortable with the possibility of Sinn Fein personnel legislating on their behalf.

Elsewhere, the inquest into the death of Amy Winehouse has revealed that the tragic chanteuse drank a massive amount of alcohol which almost certainly poisoned her. Ironically this 'death by misadventure' had arisen after Amy had made genuine attempts to turn her back on 'hard living'.

Boris Johnson has expressed his disapproval of the prolonged protest by anti-capitalists who have laid siege to the ground beside St Paul's Cathedral. Maybe if the greedy financiers all developed a conscience and renounced their obscene accumulation of wealth, then there would be no need for anyone to inconvenience the good folk of the cathedral.

Tonight played host to a handful of interesting league cup matches north and south of the border. In Scotland, with Glasgow Wannabees trailing one-nil at half-time, perhaps Neil Lennon was staring at the prospect of having to shortly claim Jobseekers' Allowance, but he has been granted a stay of execution courtesy of four second-half goals against Hibernian.

The impressive Luis Suarez scored twice to rescue Liverpool in their awkward assignment at Stoke City, while a much-changed Manchester Mercenaries thumped Wolverhampton Wanderers by five goals to two. At Ewood Park, Blackburn Rovers led two-nil and then three-two before eventually conquering the admirable resistance of Newcastle United. Last but not least, Chelsea suffered an astonishing fifth red card of the season but emerged victorious two-one, after Everton too were reduced to ten men in extra time. Both teams also missed a penalty. I reckon that Chelsea need to practise scoring penalties as well as practise conceding them!

Born on this date: Francois Mitterand (1916); Hillary Clinton (1947)

Died on this date: Hoyt Axton (1999); George Swindin (2005)

Thursday 27th October

President Sarkozy has publicly confessed that Greece should never have been allowed entry into the Eurozone. Oui monsieur, c'est vrai. Anyhow, it appears that a substantial portion of Greece's debts are being written off. It is remarkable how some states and people live such a charmed life. If I incurred huge debts, would they be written off? Oh there's no justice.

Across the Irish Sea, while the Poles have been coming to Ireland, it was the turn of Ireland today to go to the polls. The hot air has all been blown, and now the counting will begin to see who has won the beauty contest, otherwise known as the Presidential election.

This has been another 'no progress day' for me. I have been having quite a lot of 'no progress days' in recent times. In fact, I have also accumulated several 'no progress years' in the last decade or two as well. Northern Ireland is just a land of woe and no opportunity for me. All I can do now is wait for divine intervention. I sincerely hope that a miracle or three can come my way in the next couple of months, as I hope that I can look back on this year with fondness. At present, the likelihood of me having good memories of 2011 is rather slim. Oh I do believe that life is just like a game of snakes and ladders. One goes up a few ladders and comes down some snakes as well. Funnily enough when one climbs a few ladders and reaches the top row of the game, there are a few snakes in the 91-100 line lurking and ready to take one back down a peg or two. It is certainly the case that the closer one sometimes gets to the prize, the harder that it can become.

I am giving sport a miss today, other than to state that if QPR's allegations of a racist comment by John Terry prove unfounded or at least unproven, then this club should be sued for defamation of character, with any proceeds going to charity. Oh yes I know that some folk would argue that Mr Terry has not much of a (good) character left to defame, but it is the principle that is at stake. If more sports stars are accused by rival teams of racism, then the complainant must be held financially liable, or else it will become open season to accuse anyone of racism or sexism.

Born on this date: Glenn Hoddle (1957); Vinny Samways (1968)

Died on this date: Tom Dowd (2002); David Shepherd (2007)

Also, may I record my disgust at how Spelga 125 gramme yogurts cost an extortionate forty-two pence in Asda, Sainsburys and Tescos. Such tiny pots are a glorified Petit Filou, containing several mouthfuls of yogurt. Mr and Mrs Spelga are having a laugh at our expense. The same supermarkets charge 61 pence for other yogurts from the Muller range. The retailers and their suppliers should be arrested for theft. Total fascism.

Friday 28th October

At a Commonwealth conference in Australia today, David Cameron has announced changes to the laws of succession of the British monarchy. As a dyed-in-the-wool British republican, I nevertheless welcome the reforms. First of all, it will no longer be permissible to bypass a first-born female as heir to the throne. In future, the first-born child will be heir regardless of gender. This belated adjustment is clearly in keeping with equality for women. It's just so typical that it has taken the Windsors so much longer to embrace the equal rights agenda.

Secondly, there will no longer be a ban on any future monarch marrying a Roman Catholic. Again this modification conforms to almost any basic human right that one can think of. It was always an absurdity for British people to pour scorn on the arranged marriages within some Asian family circles when in fact our own Sovereign was rather restricted for choice of partner, at least in terms of their religious affiliation. This liberal development will no doubt meet with the intense displeasure of Northern Ireland's so-called loyalists. They prize the monarchy if only because the institution has always paid heed to the laws arising out of the Williamite 'constitution' of the 'Glorious Revolution' which stipulated that those treacherous popish folk were to be avoided by any future king or queen. Will the Orange Disorder and the Royal Black Institution still be so unstinting in their support for the British royal family? Presumably their deference for all things royal may be expressed through gritted teeth in future, if the monarch's spouse is one of those dastardly fenian types.

Meanwhile it was announced that the bosses of many of Britain's top businesses have enjoyed nice pay rises over the last year, thank you very much. Nick Clegg correctly described this sickening news as a “slap in the face” for those of us on planet poverty who must struggle on through a landscape of cuts, no jobs, and no growth, while the greedy business types fill their boots. I personally blame their WAGs, because one can certainly anticipate that rich entrepreneurs are under pressure to satisfy the material cravings of their dissatisfied other half. Such horrible people.

Well, it looks like we are going to get through another week without the bottom falling out of the world's economy. I cannot help thinking that the prophecies of doom tend to emanate from zealous media pundits who love nothing more than a nice crisis. If the economy recovered and world harmony was restored, the media vultures would have nothing to report.

Born on this date: Bernie Ecclestone (1930); Bill Gates (1955)

Died on this date: Ted Hughes (1998); Trevor Berbick (2006)

Saturday 29

th October

Now then, now then dear old Sir Jimmy Savile has passed away. If Jim won't be able to fix it for me, then who will? God? Only if He wants to.

I attended a birthday get-together tonight for young Paul. We climaxed the festivities with a prolonged session of karaoke, whereupon all manner of cheesy pop songs were attempted. I excelled at this entertainment. I'm sure that the late Sir Jim would have approved.....as it happens.

Back in the real world, the points gap between Glasgow Strangers and wee Glasgow Wannabees has been extended which fills me with joy. The latter failed to score against a plucky Hibernian which was really sweet.

South of the border, ManUre returned to winning ways in the English Premiership with a hard-fought one-nil triumph against awkward Evercrap. However the drama was in more abundance at Stamford Bridge. In this early kick-off, Chelsea proceeded to lead one-nil and then two-one at the interval with goals from their English senior citizens, Frank Lampard and John Terry. However, perhaps the writing was on the wall in so far as Arsenil had created a number of clear openings in the first half to suggest that they hadn't come to this London derby to simply make the numbers up. In the event, the remarkable Robin Van Persie recorded a hat-trick while Theo Walcott helped himself to a goal as the away team stormed back to lead three-two and then the Dutch striker, RVP, scored twice in the dying minutes to secure a famous victory for the Gunners. Credit goes through gritted teeth to such a dazzling performance from the winners. They scored five times, they could easily have netted ten goals. Have they turned the corner? I am far from convinced. Their defence is anything but solid.

However, what of Chelsea? They appear to have gone back in time to the days of Gullit and Vialli when they were full of goals and thrills, but equally liable to concede plenty too. The greatest indictment of Chelsea is that as the third or fourth richest club in the world, they ought to have the third or fourth best goalkeeper. They don't. The once-great Petr Cech is not even amongst the top four goalkeepers in the Premiership. Furthermore, as the third or fourth richest club in the world, they ought to have the third or fourth best defence in the world. This is definitely not the case. The Blues have not achieved a shut-out in the Premiership since the opening day of the season. As the third or fourth richest club in the world, they really ought to be more effective in the transfer market. However, the sluggish Mikel plus the inconsistent Bosingwa and Torres were not smart moves.

Born on this date: Matthew Hayden (1971); Michael Vaughan (1974)

Died on this date: Joseph Pulitzer (1911); Terry Southern (1995)

Posthumous Pardons Please! by Gary Watton

One fine Friday morn in late March whilst delaying my departure from the comfort zone of my bed, I decided to browse through a nearby history book. I randomly picked up ‘Six Wives’ by David Starkey. I chose well. I immediately re-acquainted myself with the demise of tragic, young Catherine Howard, the penultimate wife of the ageing, obese, ugly Henry VIII. After re-familiarising myself with this sad tale, I journeyed a little further back in time [six years to be precise] to the equally memorable downfall of the controversial Anne Boleyn in May 1536.

[artist's depiction of the execution of Catherine Howard; February 1542]

     History has actually been rather kind to Anne Boleyn because while she has come through the mists of time to be viewed sympathetically, she was far from popular with contemporaries. Catholic England was still smarting from the royal eviction of Catherine of Aragon, and Anne Boleyn was portrayed as a scheming, headstrong mistress who was intent on reforming the old religion. In fact, it would be no exaggeration to state that Anne Boleyn would have made exceptionally good tabloid fodder. In the end, the female usurper was herself jettisoned. However, the two executed wives of old Harry of England have been favourably depicted in modern movies as eye-catching young women who paid the ultimate price when they fell foul of their husband, the king. Furthermore, to quote a piece of modern cynicism, perhaps death was ‘a good career move’. There is something ‘cool’ and enigmatic about martyrdom, the sense of a young life taken before its time.

           

   [portrait of Anne Boleyn, the doomed second wife of Henry VIII]

     It may be difficult to fathom for modern-day observers, but in bygone days of yore [at least until the English Civil War and the subsequent Glorious Revolution reared their collective heads], the English monarch operated with carte blanche on the basis of what historians refer to as the ‘divine right of kings’. Believing themselves to be appointed and anointed by God as his representative to officiate over their nation state, various sovereigns saw it as both their duty and their right to govern without any pesky subjects inflicting checks and balances upon their authority. England in the first half of the sixteenth century was not yet a land ripe for constitutional monarchy, and indeed the kingdom had to be dragged kicking and screaming towards such a system of governance well over a century later. It is against this backdrop that the king was not only the head of state but he also had literally licence to kill, a power that he wasn’t shy at utilising. To defy the monarch was tantamount to defying God and defying the very land on which you lived. Such behaviour met literally with zero tolerance, and anyone who undermined the sovereign could expect to pay the full penalty for their apparent treachery. Treason was an offence that led to death, and frequently a protracted and horrible death into the bargain. Of course, if you were of noble birth, you might be spared the ritual of a hung, drawn and quartered spectacle in favour of the apparently lenient punishment of beheading. Meanwhile, a female traitor could ordinarily be expected to burn at the stake. Such were the unenlightened times of Tudor England.

     Cutting a long story short, what struck me with Starkey’s account of the doomed lives of Catherine and Anne was a sense of injustice which hung over their arrest and conviction. Catherine’s crime of having an apparently platonic relationship with a young man is exceptionally small potatoes, especially when one considers that she was a typical immature teenager. Of course, such behaviour was regarded as infidelity, and infidelity towards your husband, the king, God’s right-hand man in England, was totally unacceptable…..Or was it? As for Anne, she was reportedly tried on trumped-up charges which include the rather incredulous accusation of incest with her brother and the equally ludicrous notion of witchcraft. For the scheming Henry to marry his mistress Jane Seymour, his second wife had to be thoroughly demonised. Perhaps Anne’s biggest crime was that she failed to furnish her other half with a male heir. Well, historians and legal experts can argue into the night and well beyond about the justification for what I believe amounts to the judicial murder of these two unfortunate souls.      

     Fast-forwarding two decades, I would also like to throw into the mix, Lady Jane Grey, who unwittingly found herself thrust upon the throne of the kingdom but whose tenure therein was a pitiable nine days. This young lady was a mere fifteen years of age when she was elbowed aside by the Catholics’ choice, Mary, daughter of Henry and Catherine of Aragon. At first, the incoming monarch simply regarded Lady Jane as an inconvenience as opposed to a foe, but the tide well and truly turned against Lady Jane when Wyatt’s abortive Protestant rebellion of 1554 was possibly designed to restore the teenager to the throne. Mary was ‘obliged’ to permanently remove the focal point for all the reformists out there who needed a champion of their cause. Just like any good twentieth century Mafia boss, Queen Mary had to concede that Lady Jane had outlived her usefulness. Thus, young Jane would also join Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard in an elite club which met their untimely deaths within the confines of the Tower of London, on what is now called Tower Green.

                        

  [the execution of Lady Jane Grey in 1554, painted by Paul Delaroche] 

    I must at this point confess to possessing a morbid fascination with such tragic young lives, especially how they were compelled to confront the imminent spectre of death by execution – a truly macabre ordeal. 

     More than anything, what has struck me about these three grim episodes is the sheer injustice of it all. These young women [two of whom were teenagers] were cruelly killed on the basis of a judicial process which certainly would not stand scrutiny in the twenty-first century world. In fact, to quote modern legal parlance, such convictions would be regarded as totally unsafe nowadays. If capital punishment was a trifle melodramatic, not to mention unwarranted, then surely it falls on the collective conscience of subsequent generations to issue such high-profile personages with a pardon for crimes that would be regarded as small fare in our modern permissive, liberal kingdom. Is it not therefore long overdue that a posthumous pardon be conferred on this tragic trio? I think that the case for such an act of generosity and forgiveness is compelling. Of course, perhaps forgiveness is an inappropriate word, because it implies wrong-doing. It is highly contentious to state that either Anne Boleyn or Lady Jane were indeed guily of wrong-doing. Sinners they were; treasonable criminals they were not. Catherine Howard by contrast had been ‘guilty’ of pre-marital sex, admittedly before Henry cast his lecherous eyes on such an ill-suiting bride. Perhaps pardon is the more suitable term. Or perhaps forgiveness is equally apt.

     Quite why such a noble cause has not been long since pursued escapes me. Would it be politically incorrect to correct the legal abuses of the past? Or would it be politically expedient to turn the other cheek and ignore such travesties of justice? Could it be that the venerated Harry of England’s reputation would be besmirched if we were to grant a twenty-first century pardon to his apparently naughty wives? Oh yes, I guess that there is nothing quite like whitewashing the past and maintaining the legend that is the great Henry VIII. Well, I did chance upon a brilliant mural in east Belfast in which the late David Ervine [an Ulster loyalist who was no stranger to crime and punishment] is quoted as wisely stating that those who ignore the past are condemned to repeating it. Therefore, naive fool that I am, I wish to launch a crusade to have the three young ladies awarded a pardon for their nonsense crimes. A failure to wipe the slate clean and forgive them [if forgiveness is necessary] would be itself almost unforgivable. Also, while modern Britain still impersonates rather unconvincingly a Christian nation [albeit a cosmopolitan, heterogeneous one] is it not incumbent upon a nation with Christian values to practise the art of forgiveness?  

     Mercifully, I am not intent on traversing the tiresome route of accumulating a multitude of signatures for a petition or instigating yet another futile Facebook campaign. No, one must direct the need for belated justice directly at the nation’s law-makers [and law-breakers?] in parliament. I regard any movement to restore the good name of the tragic trio as neither a left-wing nor a right-wing cause celebre. Instead, the need to confront the crimes, injustices, and abuses of our past and not bury them under the carpet of time is something which transcends all ideologies and faiths. Of course in the corridors of power, inertia amidst bureaucratic red tape reigns supreme. However, it simply won’t do any more for all and sundry to shrug our shoulders at the injustice of yesteryear and excuse them away with something akin to ‘Oh times were hard in those days, and it was hard cheese if you broke the law’. Sorry, that attitude must not be allowed to prevail. If the Holocaust and the horrors of the early twentieth century justifiably stir us to feel nothing but a deep disapproval of the agents of genocide, then why draw the line at the butchery of a century ago. Where indeed do we draw the line in terms of time elapsed? 

     Britain has always prided herself on being a pioneer of constitutional monarchy and parliamentary democracy and would continue to claim that her human rights record is second to none. Would it not be a further boost to the nation’s ego if the UK was willing to demonstrate to the rest of the world a willingness to confront and correct the mistakes of bygone centuries? In taking such a lead, the UK would be encouraging other nations to examine the distant past and apply a modern judgment upon state crimes and atrocities whilst pronouncing that previous bogeymen and women deserve to have their good name returned to them. Of course, it will be argued that it is simply not enough to dwell on three high-profile ladies who were born into privilege. What about the countless wretched souls who perished in prison and on the gallows and were transported? Shall we forgive them or declare them innocent? Well, clearly, it would be too cumbersome and downright impractical to re-investigate all the crimes of past times, but in the absence of a historical enquiry team, is it beyond the reach of the Prime Minister or the head of state [or the Home Secretary to be precise] to issue the occasional statement which addresses the abuses of previous centuries? I for one would argue in favour of a general posthumous pardon for all the Protestant and Catholic martyrs of the sixteenth and seventeenth century in England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland who died holding steadfast to their faith. Their only crime was not to retreat from their religious convictions, which itself led to their convictions, and frequently a horrible death, burned at the stake. Again, posthumous pardons are the very least that we can offer such courageous saints as Thomas More or his polar opposites Ridley and Latimer.

     Pedants will suggest that why stop at the three named sixteenth century femmes fatales? Why not rehabilitate Charles I or Mary Queen of Scots or Walter Raleigh et cetera et cetera? Well folks, don’t let me stop you from pursuing such a campaign, but in the first instance I think that it would be prudent to address the legalised crimes against Anne, Catherine, and Jane [and the persecuted martyrs]. If others wish to take up the baton and focus on other atrocities and legal travesties, be my guest. However, since the miscarriages of justice visited upon Anne, Catherine, and Jane have perhaps captured the world’s imagination more than any other Tower tragedy, then they seem to serve as a logical starting point, or at least a posthumous pardon for them would by implication be an acknowledgment that many less famous souls were also victims of a Tudor terror whose pursuit of justice leaves an awful lot to be desired and frankly pardoned!

     With the Olympics paying a visit to London, there is an opportunity to win a gold medal in demonstrating to the world our generosity of spirit. Furthermore, the Tower of London remains the staple diet of many a tourist’s itinerary. How good would it be if the multitude of visitors could study a plaque at the Tower of London which confirms a posthumous pardon for the famous victims who met their early deaths at Tower Green. Procrastination and indifference is itself criminal. Only immediate posthumous pardons can reinforce modern Britain’s claim to be a shining beacon of justice.

 

   FURTHER READING: 

http://www.theanneboleynfiles.com

http://garethrussellcidevant.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/may-19th-1536-execution-of-anne-boleyn.html

http://thecreationofanneboleyn.wordpress.com/

http://onthetudortrail.com/

http://englishhistory.net/tudor/monarchs/howard.html

http://ladyjanegrey.org/

http://englishhistory.net/tudor/relative/janegrey.html

http://suzannahlipscomb.com/

Margaret Moron: a cheating, cowardly crook

I am disgusted that the disgraced former MP Margaret Moran was able to escape prison on Friday the 14th of December when a team of so-called experts [or softies more likely] decreed that Moran was too doo-lally to enter a plea. This is a sickening example of a feeble society where nobody is willing to accept responsibility for anything. When our political superiors lack the integrity to put their hands up and admit their own wrongdoing and have the courage to face the consequences, like the rest of us poor bastards, then this country is finished. No wonder, the yoof go looting, when they see the middle-class law-makers deteriorate into white-collar law-breakers. The trouble with the actress, Margaret Moron, is that having been a legislator [and by implication, a parliamentary law-maker], she knows how the system works, and is therefore ideally placed to work the system in her cowardly favour. She is one of many bourgeois villains who appear to be too ill to stand trial but who were in perfectly rude health to commit crime in the first place. Chirac in France and Mubarak in Egypt are but two recent examples of folk ‘doing a Petain’ and faking ill health in order to achieve leniency. There should be a re-trial. Otherwise British justice is a sick joke. As someone who broke the law many years ago, I had to take my punishment on the chin. It would be good if other high-ranking hypocrites accepted blame too and took responsibility for their actions, like the rest of us plebs. To thwart justice and cling onto their pampered lifestyle sends out a terrible signal to the rest of the society. I believe that the expression that springs to mind is: “one rule for them; one rule for the rest of us”. Well, I am ****ing livid about you Margaret Moron. [No doubt, the defence team will manage to ensure that the convicted detective April Casburn also escapes a prison sentence after she was found guilty arising out of her attempt to sell information to the News Of The World. I find it breathtakingly astonishing that various middle-class women avoid incarceration by bringing on the tears and persuading the judge that they are not fit for jail. If someone like Margaret Moron is deemed as too ill for prison, are the legal authorities not aware that prisons have hospitals? Silly bastards.]
               Sickened,
                Gary Watton; author, commentator, and historian; December 2012

2010 election in 'The Celtic Fringe' by Grant Toway

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Celtic-Fringe-Westminster-Elections-1970-2010/dp/0956272576
SCOTLAND
Labour’s two ‘gains’ were merely a case of re-capturing two seats that they had lost in recent by-elections to the Liberal Democrats and the SNP. For all their woes south of the border, Labour performed well in Scotland.
The Liberal Democrats had a bizarre election. Nick Clegg won a lot of plaudits, but his party underperformed in Scotland, and yet they were sufficiently successful to enter a coalition government.
The Conservatives improved their vote in Scotland, though this leap of progress didn’t translate into extra seats. The SNP’s vote share was 19.9%.
WALES
This was a record-breaking night for the Welsh Conservatives. Only two candidates in Wales exceeded twenty thousand votes. They were both from the Conservative Party. One of them, David Davies, became the first Conservative MP to win the most votes at a general election in Wales for many decades. On top of that, there was the small matter of a recovery of five seats. Plaid Cymru’s vote share fell to 11.3% while UKIP polled better.

2005 election in 'The Celtic Fringe' by Grant Toway

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Celtic-Fringe-Westminster-Elections-1970-2010/dp/0956272576
SCOTLAND
Ordinarily, a loss of fifteen parliamentary seats would be perceived as a catastrophe, but Labour’s representation was drastically cut on account of a boundary review which confiscated many former Labour seats. The Labour Party frequently suffered during the boundary modifications as they had a knack of winning the inner-city constituencies, but as there was a migratory shift away from the inner cities, then such Labour constituencies dwindled in population size, rendering them ripe for abolition.

The Labour government had now won its third consecutive national election, but Tony Blair was beginning to outstay his welcome at the top of the party, as Gordon Brown itched for his turn as the Prime Minister.

As for the Conservatives, they were struggling to land a blow on a far from popular Labour government. It soon became apparent that the party that once looked upon itself as the natural party of government would need another changing of the guard at its highest echelon in order to capitalise on a growing weariness of (new) Labour and facilitate a return to power.

The Liberal Democrats again made much progress, but their leader was obliged to stand down several months later. As a consequence, Menzies Campbell succeeded Charles Kennedy in early 2006 as the party supremo. Scotland had been the main supplier of the leaders of Britain’s third party. The hall of fame had included Jo Grimond and David Steel, while Robert Maclennan was the ‘caretaker manager’ when the Liberals and the SDP merged into the Liberal Democrats.

The Scottish Socialists failed to build upon the foundations of their 2001 efforts, while the SNP’s overall vote share slipped to 17.7%, but they were more than mere extras on the Scottish political scene.

WALES
The Welsh constituency contests were probably becoming much more competitive than was the case in the past. Fewer and fewer seats were a one-party state. This is demonstrated by the fact that only six MPs polled more than twenty thousand votes, and even these select few only just exceeded this amount.

It could be argued that a lower turnout was partially a consequence of Wales possessing its own Assembly, thus diminishing the former importance of Westminster elections. Secondly, with the people of Scotland and Wales required to vote in council elections, European elections, and local parliament elections, as well as the national election, then the populace were election-weary. In the context of 2005, a third explanation for low voter turnout and the absence of a huge endorsement for any particular party or candidate is that people were progressively becoming disillusioned with the Labour government, but were equally wary of the Conservative opposition who did not yet present themselves as a credible alternative.

Having said that, the Conservatives had just accumulated three seats in Wales which was three more than in 2001 or 1997, so clearly progress was being made.

By contrast, Plaid Cymru appeared to go into reverse in this election. Their vote share had decreased from 14.3% in 2001 to 12.6% in 2005.

Meanwhile, the Liberal Democrats doubled their House of Commons representation in Wales. Gone were the days when Britain’s third largest party were also-rans who sometimes didn’t have the confidence or the resources to contest every constituency election.

2001 election in 'The Celtic Fringe' by Grant Toway

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Celtic-Fringe-Westminster-Elections-1970-2010/dp/0956272576
 Remarkably, only one constituency changed hands in Scotland, as the Conservatives narrowly secured Galloway & Upper Nithsdale, thereby breathing some semblance of life into Scotland’s Conservative Party, which had borne the brunt of public disaffection with the harsh economic medicine of Mrs Thatcher and Mr Major.
Admittedly starting from a low base, the Liberal Democrats produced the most improved performance, while the Scottish Socialists plucked up the courage (or sheer folly?) to field a candidate in all seventy-two seats. It was clearly felt by the latter that the Labour Party had jettisoned its left-wing roots under Tony Blair’s new Labour project, and therefore the Scottish Socialist Party sought to fill what they perceived as the vacuum left by the Labour Party’s move to the centre ground.
There was a considerable drop in voter turnout. This allied with the relative success of the two afore-mentioned parties suggests that the age-old frontrunners of Labour and the Conservatives had to an extent fallen out of favour with the Scottish electorate. Having said that, in spite of the drop in their vote, fifty-six Labour Members of Parliament was a formidable return for a party that was ‘out of favour’.
The SNP experienced a less than impressive election, polling 20.1%, compared to 22.1% in 1997, but better times lay ahead for a party whose electoral performances represented the proverbial see-saw.
By the time of the next general election, Scotland’s Westminster contingent was reduced to only fifty-nine. With the recent, belated advent of devolution and the creation of a Scottish Parliament, it seemed prudent to trim the number of MPs, now that MSPs were starting to function.
In Wales just two seats changed hands: Carmarthen East & Dinefwr and Ynys Mon.