Justifying The Unjustifiable

*My blog pieces are grammatically correct and I do not need to resort to any spell check. Consequently, purely in terms of English, this collectively places my blog easily amongst the top ten of blogs for proper use of the English language. Aren't you glad that you have paid a visit to here, you lucky, lucky people?!

**This beautiful blogsite is primarily a vehicle for uploading extracts from my many informative, insightful, insurrectionary, quality reference books. I wish for this site to raise my profile amongst the chattering classes, so that maybe one day I too can be invited onto radio discussion shows to offload my twopence worth. At present, British radio and television shows are over-populated with the same old talking heads. Is Matthew Parris really the voice of England? Does Stephen Fry hold the monopoly on wisdom?

***Also, unlike many attention-seeking uber-egos out there who expect everyone to follow them, if you follow me [RonGattway] on Twitter, I will return the favour. That is a promise.

****Finally, I am extremely grateful for all of the visitors to my site, but don't just browse at my book extracts, please purchase the publications that are showcased. They would make ideal presents for your family, friends, and even worst enemies. I can even arrange a discount if you contact me.

My undying love to you all,

Yours insincerely

'Gary Watton' xo

Monday, 27 January 2014

SCUM by the commentator Gary Watton

I was watching one of my favourite films the other night, 'The French Connection'. There is a remarkable scene mid-film in which Charnier and his heroin-smuggling associate are both seated in a New York restaurant, indulging themselves in helpings of fine wine and cuisine, like a couple of respectable bourgeois gents. However, this duo represent evil. Across the road, sheltering from an icy cold winter's day in the Big Apple is detective Popeye Doyle and his partner Cloudy Russo. These guys purportedly represent the forces for good, namely the law. Well, the good guys are huddled in a doorway, drinking tea from a plastic cup. This scene is something of a microcosm of modern society as it expertly reminds us how perverse our world is. The criminals are enjoying an extravagant lifestyle while the law-abiding, hard-working souls suffer hardship by comparison. This regrettable disparity must not be allowed to prevail - but it does.
Meanwhile, I was particularly struck by a characteristic outpouring of vitriol from Kelvin Mackenzie, the fomer tabloid newspaper editor, who was appearing on 'Pienaar's Politics' on Radio Five Dead. Motormouth Mackenzie described the looting and rioting perpetrators during the street disturbances of early August 2011 as "scum." There may be some validity to such a remark, but I would venture to suggest that such an unenviable epithet need not be confined to the so-called 'feral underclass'.
Fast-forwarding to recent days, the British nation (and beyond) has been treated to the unedifying spectacle of Nigella Lawson and her ex-husband Charles Saatchi having their dirty linen washed very publicly, at Isleworth Crown Court to be precise. From the court proceedings we learn that Charles Saatchi appears to be a horrible, nasty, vindictive megalomaniac (perhaps not a new discovery for those in the know). Futhermore, we are also informed that Nigella's pampered lifestyle features a regular intake of such substances as cocaine. Now, Nigella isn't the first and won't be the last rich bitch to partake of some illegal, naughty 'medication', so her misbehaviour is scarcely exceptional. However, what is more revealing is just how trashy the lives of the wealthy and famous really are. I guess that there have been sufficient tabloid exposures since Profumo's scandal in 1963 to reinforce this. Maybe indifferent Joe Public has grown immune to the shock value of such sensational stuff. Well, for me, the sorry episode of Lawson and Saatchi's private lives perfectly encapsulates the fact that when you strip away the glossy veneer of the opulence of the rich and assorted celebrities, one finds murky, trashy lives lurking underneath. I would therefore argue that people who present themselves in slick suits, shirt, and tie, and elegant frocks and gowns are probably at least as scummy as the 'feral underclass'.
Mick Jagger once sang "raise your glass to the hard-working people/say a prayer for the lowly at birth" in the excellent 'Salt Of The Earth'. I totally concur. Meanwhile, it is high time that people woke up to the fact that our so-called superiors and the high-fliers in our society and expenses-claiming fraudulent members of the Establishment are indeed just as worthy of the word "scum." Of course, one could go further and state that our greedy financiers, politicos , and bankers are on a par with pedophiles - or is such a comparison too harsh and disrespectful towards child molesters?

Friday, 3 January 2014

UB40: A Critique [by the author, historian, and musicologist Gary Watton]

A couple of months ago I rescued about eighty of my old vinyl albums from almost ten years of captivity in my late mother's attic. (Actually, she's never late nor even dead.) Anyhow, I have proceeded to re-acquaint myself with the music that entertained me during my 'bedroom years' of bygone days of yore. In the last ten days I have bravely endured my collection of UB40 LPs. Regrettably, I now find such product rather dreary and uninspiring from a combo that I once held in the highest esteem in my mistaken youth.
What strikes me most about this Brummie outfit is the unremitting politicising, pontificating, preaching, and downright gloom that characterises the large majority of their own compositions. They basically set the tone on their debut album with the delightfully cheerful 'Burden Of Shame' (a critique of British imperialism) and well ever since, their output has been almost exclusively a musical rant. Each track appears to remind us that capitalism is wicked and poverty is wicked and Apartheid is wicked and inequality is wicked and racism is wicked. Oh come on fellas. Change the record, please. You don't have to perpetually persuade me of such dogma. The truth is: I believe you, and indeed most of your listeners are presumably equally sympathetic. I doubt whether the UBs feature prominently amongst the musical preferences of bankers, financiers, and racists!
The only occasions when UB40 mercifully strayed from the tiresome evangelising was when they ventured into the territory of cover versions of classic reggae love songs on the outstanding 'Labour Of Love' project and its inferior successor, 'Labour Of Love II'. There has probably been a mark III and maybe even a IV. Happily, I am blissfully unaware of the group's post-1990 material, with the exception of the awful karaoke rendition of Elvis's 'Can't Help Falling In Love' (a 1993 UK chart-topper which just about sums up the poor musical taste of the British record-buying public.) Oh yes, I did chance upon a new UB40 offering from 2005, 'Who You Fighting For?' which the Mail On Sunday (or possibly the Daily Malice) cruelly supplied as a freebie to every lucky (or unlucky) reader. Not surprisingly (to quote another west Midlands singer, Mr Robert Plant) "the song remains the same". Unfortunately, the Campbells and their cronies just cannot resist the temptation to revisit the same old themes in almost every track.
Not surprisingly, my favourite UB40 tunes hail from their earliest days when they treated the listener to a whole array of fine reggae instrumentals on their debut 'Signing Off'. Then they atoned for the typically depressing 'Present Arms' project by releasing the marvellous (and largely undiscovered gem) of 'Present Arms In Dub' when the lads jettisoned the left-wing wailing and merely provided the tunes in instrumental dub versions.
In my semi-humble opinion, the UBs missed a trick when they failed to take a leaf out of the book of their contemporaries Madness or such luminaries as the Kinks by providing observations of modern life and the quirky individuals that they encountered along the way. Whilst Madness delivered the anecdotal 'Bed And Breakfast Man' and 'Mrs Hutchinson', UB40 were providing the non-joyful 'One In Ten' and 'Don't Do The Crime'. However, don't get me wrong. UB40 have composed the occasional gem. 'Tyler' was a worthwhile tribute to an unjustly convicted murderer, Gary Tyler. However, their song-writing formula almost always seems to be confined to pouring scorn at the same old injustices. The gang rarely stretch their creativity towards mini-dramas and soap operas about everyday people and places and events. The guys may be uneducated [a fact that they certainly don't hide] but you don't need to have gone to Oxbridge to be able to compose a variety of very different songs about a whole range of non-political subjects.
When UB40 did wander into film-making with their half-hour 'Labour Of Love' movie, the result was distinctly drab. The flick lacked any originality and culminated in a scene of police brutality and racism that even the most ardent Trotskyite dramatist might not have conceived for a Channel Four late-night production. The only redeeming feature was the glorious video to the perennial favourite, 'Red Red Wine' in which Ali comes to the pub to meet the woman of his dreams, only to find her arrive afterwards with his brother [and rival]. As if that isn't bad enough, Ali gets his car keys nicked whilst being hoodwinked at the bar by a couple of chancers, masquerading as friends. All of this would be enough to drive anyone to drink, and Ali C doesn't disappoint, as he ends the tune doing a fine impersonation of a drunk, down on his luck, being helped home by his Dad. T'was superb stuff.
For me, UB40 were okay musically until they added the brass sounds of the Tenyue brothers in the mid-80s which only succeeded in drowning out Robin's lead guitar and Mickey Virtue's fine keyboards. Admittedly, the big brass sound of the poptastic 'If It Happens Again' was a glorious exception, but thereafter the band just got submerged in an over-reliance on brass instrumentation.
Sorry UB40, but I have long since fallen out of love with you. Perhaps this is symptomatic of a 'maturing' codger who is no longer easily impressed by anyone or anything, musical or otherwise.
Yours Insincerely,
Gary Watton (a former fan)

My UB40 albums and my favourite song on the LP:
Signing Off (1980) - King
Present Arms (1981) - Don't Let It Pass You By
Present Arms In Dub (1981) - The Return Of Dr X
UB44 (1982) - The Prisoner
UB40 Live (1982) - Sardonicus
Labour Of Love (1983) - She Caught The Train
Geffery Morgan (1984) - D.U.B.
Baggariddim (1985) - Demonstrate by Admiral Jerry
Rat In The Kitchen (1986) - The Elevator
UB40 (1988) - Where Did I Go Wrong?
Labour Of Love II (1989) - Kingston Town

Thursday, 2 January 2014

England's Poor Starts In Australia by G Watton

England's perpetual woes in Australia [a few notable exceptions aside]
all appear to stem from an inability to hit the ground running in the
first test of each series. Or, if that sounds too simplistic, then
there is a massive body of evidence that reinforces the apparent fact
that England go missing at the business end of the Ashes which is
actually the first three tests and then only arise from their slumber
when a series is done and dusted, and the Poms proceed to console
themselves with triumph in a so-called 'dead rubber'. To be slightly
fair to England, there is no Australian cricket XI past, present, or
future that will happily concede defeat to England in any test match,
irrespective of whether the Ashes is still at stake or not.

However, the horrendous truth prevails that England simply do not
excel at the outset of many overseas test series, and this is patently
the case in Australia. If one looks back [in anger] at England's last
nineteen test series in Australia, the tourists have dismally only
recorded a victory in two opening tests in a spell dating back to
1945. This shocking statistic needs to be addressed and remedied
sooner rather than later, or Australia can look forward to re-visiting
their growing tendency of settling an Ashes series at the third
skirmish in Perth, long before the tests arranged for the hallowed
venues of Melbourne and Sydney even appear on the horizon.
Furthermore, equally of grave concern for the English cricketing
contingent is that since 1900, the English visitors have only twice
lost the first test of an Ashes series in Australia and bounced back
to win the series, achieving this cricketing equivalent of Halley's
Comet in 1911 and 1954 - and not since! In future England needs to
face up to the perils of the first test and recognise that
historically when they go behind in a series in Australia, they stay
behind, and indeed go further behind.

Whether this all indicates a lack of preparation ahead of the first
contest is open to question. Surely if England are flopping in the
first battle in Brisbane, the logic must be to begin in Australia one
week earlier the next time. Regrettably, England's hapless cricket
warriors are all too often engaged in one-day internationals for much
of September or first-class fixtures at the tail-end of the County
Championship. This leaves our weary troops only a few weeks in October
to recover. Is this adequate? History would suggest otherwise.

Alternatively, there ought to be an argument proposed for England
playing a pre-Ashes warm-up test in New Zealand or the Indian
sub-continent en route to their Ashes commitments. If England are
going to maintain their time-honoured bad habit of being all too rusty
at the start of a winter's test series, then let that
under-performance be exposed in a pre-Ashes test, before the main
course is served, and England end up well and truly cooked in Perth,
long before the Christmas turkey.


ENGLAND'S RECORD IN THE FIRST ASHES TEST IN AUSTRALIA SINCE 1945:
The following is an appalling chronology of 11 defeats, six draws, and only two wins!
2013 Lost
2010 Drew
2006 Lost
2002 Lost
1998 Drew
1994 Lost
1990 Lost
1986 WON
1982 Drew
1979 [non-Ashes series] Lost
1978 WON
1974 Lost
1970 Drew
1965 Drew
1962 Drew
1958 Lost
1954 Lost
1950 Lost
1946 Lost